Why it is best to lower out the phrase ‘if’ while you speak to your youngsters

Parents ought to get rid fo the IF monster (Credit: tiktok / tia slighhtham/@parentingcoach)

We’ve all been there – when bedtime turns into a battlefield and also you go from assertive dad or mum to negotiator to gibbering wreck within the time it takes to get your youngsters to mattress. 

But TikTok @parentingcoach, Tia Slightham, has shared how the language we use once we speak to our children at bedtime and different essential moments all through the day may maintain extra energy than you realise. 

The easy parenting ‘hack’ video guarantees to enhance household life with a easy change: ‘If your home sounds like this then I want you to make one simple change – keep listening: “If you don’t prepare for mattress, no books.”

‘“If you don’t eat your dinner, no dessert.” “If you don’t get ready right now, no TV for the rest of the week.” If, if, if, if, if.’

She explains: ‘If you feel like you are the monster of “if” and all it does is come out of your mouth all day long, I want you to know that you’re opening the gates for energy struggles.

‘Every time you say “if” you open the door to argue with your kids – to overpower your kids. Every time you say “if” you pick your end of the tug-of-war rope and your kids pick up theirs to battle you back to see who will win – because we can’t pressure our children to do issues.’

But if this feels like she’s listening in on conversations in your house – don’t fear.

‘So instead of saying “if” I want you to switch it to “when”,’ she suggests.

‘So as an alternative of: “If you don’t get ready for bed, no books”, “When you get ready for bed then we’ll do your books.” “When you’re done with dinner, then it’s time for dessert.” “When you’re ready to go, then you can tell me that it’s TV time.”

‘Switch “if” to “when” and let me know how it goes,’ she concludes. 

One pleased dad or mum commented: ‘did this and the biggest shift. I let her express herself and I truly listen. she is 6 and a very balanced child.🥰 thanks to experts like u sharing’

While one other mentioned: ‘Started doing this and zero power struggles! If they take too long then we don’t have time for the “when” factor’

Other TikTokers weren’t fairly so keen about her suggestion. 

One consumer commented: ‘when you finish getting ready, we have already missed the bus. I need something to get them moving now, not when they’re prepared🥺’

Another mentioned: ‘My stubborn toddler will be “ready” at 2 am for books.’

Tia clarified this within the feedback including: ‘You can’t do or say only one factor to get outcomes… if it had been that simple nobody could be struggling! You want all of the items of the puzzle.’

Where do you stand on Tia’s recommendation and would you surrender “if” and provides “when” a go? Let us know.

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