‘Twas the blight before Christmas.
Larry David has penned a new piece for Graydon Carter’s Air Mail about his Christmas traditions — or lack thereof — that puts the curmudgeonly “Curb Your Enthusiasm” star neck-and-neck with only the Grinch or Scrooge as the foremost hater of the holiday.
“I’m a creature of habit and can’t tolerate anything that throws me off my normal routine,” the comedian explains. “That’s why I detest all holidays, but none as much as Christmas.”
Among the holiday’s most offensive elements, in his opinion, are — “the loathsome music. The movies with their ridiculous, treacly sentiments. The presents — thinking about them, shopping for them (never without resentment), and the attendant pile of garbage that accumulates from opening them, an environmental disaster simultaneously taking place in living rooms across the country.”
But luckily for Larry: “Over the years, my Scrooginess at [pals’] Christmas Day gatherings became so intolerable that in due course everyone realized how much better the day would be without my off-putting, nay, offensive presence. The invites began to wane until, eventually, they ceased altogether, and then it finally happened — I was to be alone on Christmas Day… All those years of complaining and kvetching finally paid off. I was the envy of everyone I knew.”
David reveals his regular Christmas routine with all those pesky invitations out of the way. “Eating Chinese food by myself on Christmas Day has become a cherished yearly ritual, which I look forward to like the ending of construction on the house next door,” he writes.
Of course, David’s previous pop culture sensation, “Seinfeld,” was the show that brought the world, “Festivus.”
Fans of David’s HBO show might’ve even noticed that he has been wearing an Air Mail cap regularly on camera during the series’ current 11th Season.